Horoscope

Madam puppy dog astrologer, Sylvia. Photo by Michael Tuccini.
Madam Sylvia. Photo by Michael Tuccini.

Sylvia Reads The Stars

Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 23

Your very own Madam Sylvia is a Sagittarius, and just turned 15. In human years that’s…old. Born in the shelter and adopted by addicts on their way to get clean, then left at a friend’s place when turned away at rehab, then never picked up again when they came back, this pup has had her life enriched tenfold by being dumped. She is loved beyond belief by everyone she meets, and still chases waves along Lake Michigan’s shore. Apply this wisdom to anyone or anything that leaves you behind. No way of knowing now just how far better off you will be.

Capricorn Dec 23 – Jan 20

Cappy, and that’s what I’m gonna call you all week, you’re ready for a little more fun. Shake off the serious exterior you often wear and infuse some joy into the tasks you have in front of you this week. Speak with kindness and humor whenever possible. These qualities do not have to be mutually exclusive from getting things done.

Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18

Mars is opposite Neptune and the full moon is nigh. What does this mean? Eat clementines. Lots of clementines.

Pisces Feb 18 – Mar 20

Get ready, little fishy. Buckle up for a wild ride through the next week, the results of which may not be obvious for a few months.

Aries Mar 20 – Apr 20

I met a mean dog at the park once. All that dude wanted to do was fight. Don’t be that dog.

Taurus Apr 20 – May 21

Taurus, yogurt is not the same as feta, and Aldi is not that scary on a Saturday morning.

Gemini May 21 – Jun 21

What you say is not what you always mean, Gem. Get in touch with your true self, then speak clearly. No doubletalk, twinsies.

Cancer Jun 21 – Jul 23

When oh when will the world let up, my soft-shelled friend? I don’t have that kind of information, but I do know that journaling, which always sounds patronizing when suggested, really is in the cards for you this week. Get those thoughts down on paper before they spill their bitter coffee all over your soul.

Leo Jul 23 – Aug 23

Leo, your season has passed. Now it’s time to lift up someone or something else. May I suggest your local animal shelter? High paw!

Virgo Aug 23 – Sep 23

Leo Tolstoy was a Virgo, and was able to admit in his essays the superficiality of praise of one’s work. If you feel slighted this week, remember the best validation comes from within.

Libra Sep 23 – Oct 23

Libra, you are music and music is you. Hear it everywhere, even on your couch with your hands pressed against your ears. That blood swooshing? Percussion. Heart beating? Same.

Scorpio Oct 23 – Nov 22

No one reinvents herself like you. Onwards and upwards, dear phoenix.